. . . . Inevitable Change

 

 

 What I continued to struggle with, however, was with the

acceptance of the fact that standards have to change in a single life if

the sought-after peace is to be attained. Different standards and

different values are inevitable, there is less time, less money, and

less willingness to spend either on yourself or your friends. I found

alcohol expensive and dangerous to keep in the house. Dangerous

because drinking alone can lead to drinking too much, too often.

Having discovered this, I asked friends to bring their own vodka, gin,

beer or whatever, which they did willingly, thereby saving me from

expense and temptation. Dinner party invitations issued by me,

translated, mean come to supper, early, for stew and apple crumble,

instead of smoked salmon, rump steak and four vintage wines – the

invitations of yesteryear. Nobody seems to mind; I have no

complaints. Many a lively evening is spent over simple fare, drinking

bottles of Tesco’s equivalent of Sancerre. As for the washing up, it

gets left. I used to be obsessive about washing up, it always had to

be done as soon as the offending dirty crockery touched the draining

board. Having always thought J Wesley’s quote “Cleanliness is next

to Godliness” was indisputable I have since learnt that this is not so.

To be clean, yes; but to be obsessive about washing the body,

washing the dishes or washing anything is absurd. Manufacturers are

constantly inventing new, ever more lethal ‘cleaners’. For instance,

detergents once designed to clean the lavatory pan are now

guaranteed to take care of the inner cleanliness of the pipes as well.

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Our forebears did not hanker after pipe-inner-cleanliness, and nor

should we. What the detergent does, probably, is to filter into the

canals and waterways killing off plant life and poisoning the fish.

Anyway, now I rule the washing up, it does not rule me. If I want to

leave it overnight or for any length of time, I do.

The friends who come to visit want primarily to see me. If the

house is full of fresh flowers (it is not usually), has clean towels in the

bathroom, and I arrange for ‘interesting’ people to come to supper,

that is a bonus, not a necessity. Friends want to relax, exchange

news, gossip and grumble a bit, make jokes, and leave feeling better

for their visit. Hostesses should give their guests their time and

attention, otherwise, it’s much nicer for them to go and stay at a

hotel if they merely need a change. I do what I can. What is lacking in

material comforts is forgiven (i.e., the mattresses in the spare room

are lumpy, apparently). What I know I can provide is a place of

refuge, in a peaceful house. I work at making it so. I like to think the

peace my house bestows upon me will be of benefit to others, too.

So far, in this sphere at least if my friends are to be believed, I seem

to be having some success.

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If I do have people to dinner and I don’t very often, obviously I do

spend more, but not much more. Homemade vegetable soup and

garlic bread, curried chicken, and rice with baked courgettes and rice

with baked courgettes and carrots, followed by cheese and biscuits

or fruit salad, is a favourite cheap menu for four people. It costs

about £10. Normally guests are very generous and bring wine but I

always buy a bottle or two costing about £2.50 each from Sainsburys,

who seem to have a large, good choice.

The only important conclusion I have come to about food is that

For me, as in -y other matters where there is a large choice, I

wish for less choice. The uncomplicated food I buy requires very little

thought, and is a healthy diet. So much for food.

 

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